“TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON” My rating: C (Opens wide June 29)
153 minutes | Audience rating: PG-13
I’m not going to tell you that Michael Bay has no soul. Only that I’ve never seen evidence of one in any of his films.
The irony, of course, is that by commercial standards Bay is the filmmaker of his generation, able to hits the mass audience’s sweet spot with a fusion of flash, noise, endless f/x and eye-blurring action.
Characterization? Content? Subtext?
Who needs ‘em?
There’s absolutely no reason why a sentient being needs to see his latest, “Transformers: Dark of the Moon,” yet another exercise in criminally overlong eye candy.
But if you somehow find yourself in a theater showing this third episode in the “Transformers” saga, there’s a bit of good news.
It’s not nearly as bad as installment 2. I base that judgment on my ability to keep my eyes open this time around.
Not the most enthusiastic endorsement, I know. But when you find yourself nodding off during the year’s loudest movie, something’s amiss.
Here Bay and writer Ehren Kruger cook up a couple of reasonably interesting ideas.
First there’s their assertion that on their famous 1969 Apollo 11 moon walk astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin (the real Aldrin appears in a scene set in the present) took advantage of a communications blackout to secretly explore the wreckage of a huge space ship on the moon’s far side.
The craft crashed on Earth’s satellite after being disabled in the climactic battle between the Autobots and the Decepticons , the feuding machines at the heart of the Transformers mythology. The human space travelers brought back an important bit of alien technology from the moon, and now it plays a major role in the ongoing war between the Autobot/human alliance and the fascistic Decepticons.
The second interesting thing here is the spectacle of Chicago being laid waste by the rampaging evil Transformers, with landmark buildings toppling and screaming humans running ant-like for their lives. It goes on WAY TOO LONG, but before wearing out its welcome the segment offers a visually arresting twist on the alien-invasion movie we’ve seen so often in recent years.
Beyond that…well, there’s not all that much of interest.
The semi-charming (depending about how you feel about hangdog desperation) Shia LaBeouf returns as Sam Witwicky, frozen out of the government’s top secret Autobot program and looking for a job in the big city.
He’s go a hot British girlfriend (Rose Huntington-Whiteley, who should use her “Transformers” paycheck to invest in acting lessons) and a romantic rival in her wealthy boss (Patrick Dempsey, effectively smarmy).
Sam’s parents (Kevin Dunn, Julie White) show up in a big RV to provide some comic relief. John Turturoo reprises his scenery-gnawing role as a manic spy.
Oscar winner Frances McDormand is wasted as a stickler-for-protocol national security type, while John Malkovich gets some comic mileage out of his role as Sam’s new boss from hell; even better is Ken Jeong in a small but riotous role as one of Sam’s coworkers.
In the latter stages of the film Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson return to suit up as colorless military types who wage war on the Decepticons.
The special effects are everywhere, but in the absense of characters or a plot we really care about, what’s the point?
The 3-D is the best I’ve seen since “Avatar.”
| Robert W. Butler
I’ve always loved your reviews and am very upset with the Star so I’ve written a blog in your honor for my library.
Hope you enjoy: http://www.mymcpl.org/blog/falling-star-editorial
Stefanie:
Wow. Those are terrifically nice thoughts. From my current state of unemployment, I send my deepest thanks.
Actually, my M.O. for 40 years of newspapering was to keep my head down, churn out a lot of copy and try not to draw too much attention. I figured the journalism gods would immediately recognize hubris and take me down a peg or three. That I was able to flummox them for decades I count as one of my greatest achievements.
Anyway, I’m hugely gratified by your comments. Rest assured that I’ll keep reviewing on the blog (I mean, what else am I going to do, being unfit for other employment?).
A favor: send links to my site to friends, relatives, colleagues, enemies…at some point I’l get enough hits to qualify for advertising. Who knows…maybe my dream of attracting some big web operation like the Huffington Post or Salon will come to pass.
By the way…I’m writing a weekly column for http://www.seniorcorrespondent.com, a site featuring the work of journalists aged 60 or older. One of my peers there is Garrison Keillor. (Just wanted to write that sentence. Sorry.)