Butler's Cinema Scene

Mila Kunis…saving Earth

“JUPITER ASCENDING” My rating: D+

127 minutes | MPAA rating: PG-13

Fate does no favors for filmmakers by giving them early artistic or commercial success.

Two words:  Orson Welles.

Two more words: The Wachowskis.

Their latest, “Jupiter Ascending,” is borderline unwatchable.

Siblings Andy and  Larry (now Lana) Wachowski hit the big time in a big way in 1999 with “The Matrix,” which was hailed as both terrifically popular entertainment and hugely savvy moviemaking.

It’s pretty much been downhill since then: Two “Matrix” sequels of rapidly deteriorating quality, the flawed “V  for Vendetta,” the awful “Speed Racer,” the ambitious but muddled “Cloud Atlas.”

Eddie Redmayne

“Jupiter Ascending” throws together a bunch of ideas cobbled together from pop culture and science fiction sources, revs them up with an assault of noise and visuals, and makes some pretty good actors look like amateurs.

It begins way out in space where the three immortal Abrasax siblings — the imperiously evil Balem (Eddie Redmayne), the scheming-but-charming Titus (Douglas Booth) and the seemingly empathetic Kalique (Tuppence Middleton) — are arguing over the inheritance left by their late mother.

Among her holdings is a planet called Earth, whose residents are unaware that they soon will be harvested for the essential juice that allows the Abrasax to retain their youths indefinately.

Channing Tatum and Sean Bean as intergalactic hunters

Meanwhile in Chicago, Jupiter (Mila Kunis) and her Russian emigre family clean toilets as part of their maid service. Cinderella — er, I mean Jupiter — has no clue that she’s the reincarnation of the Abrasax matriarch, but intergalactic forces are at work that will force her to reclaim her title and property and, in the process, save humanity from annihilation.

For starters there’s Caine (Channing Tatum), a hunter from the beyond who has come to Earth to protect her.  Caine is part wolf (that explains the silky goatee, pointy ears and long canines…though not the mascara) and he used to have wings.  Now he must make do with anti-gravity boots that allow him to surf air currents.

He does battle with a bunch of usually-invisible wraith-like corpses (think “Harry Potter’s” Demeters) who have been dispatched to eliminate Jupiter. And he has a friend (well, perhaps) in Stinger (Sean Bean), an old army buddy from the space wars who has been hiding out on a Midwestern farm.

This probably sounds confusing. It’s even more confusing in the watching. It seems likely that lots of useful information was jettisoned in the editing process.

Anyway, after an airborne battle that leaves downtown Chicago a smoking ruin, Caine spirits Jupiter away to the heavens where the Abrasax sibs are plotting her demise.

“Jupiter Ascending” looks OK — it’s filled with Buck Rogers-ish costuming (Jupiter’s wedding dress) and spacecraft that resemble giant insects.

But dramatically it’s almost totally lacking in style. It starts out solemn, then about halfway through tries to be funny/cute with the Jupiter-Caine  courtship (we’re meant to be reminded of Princess Leia and Han Solo — only minus all the charm).

There’s a moderately funny segment in which Jupiter applies to an alien bureaucracy for her inheritance, only to find herself jumping through hoops held by paper-pushing civil servents enforcing meaningless and maddening rules.  But even here the Wachowskis won’t let us just enjoy it…they have Jupiter make a comment about it being worse than the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Yeah, guys, we got the DMV references already.  Have some faith in your audience.

The acting is workmanlike at best. Redmayne, Oscar nominated for “The Theory of Everything,” sneers and whispers his lines menacingly. He may be in the remarkable position of giving both the best and worst performance in a single year.

| Robert W.  Butler